Underwriters to the Perpetually Rained-On
Insurance for your umbrella. Not from it.
Out in every weather. Standing alone between you and the sky.
Asking nothing. Receiving less.
We ask you honestly, as neighbors: who is looking after it?
Request her free appraisalUnder a Brackish policy, the umbrella is the policyholder. You are carried as a dependent.
We are frequently asked whether this is backwards. We invite the asker to spend one November out of doors, and to repeat the question.
| Peril | Provision |
|---|---|
| Gusts, all Beaufort numbers including the one that comes around corners | COVERED |
| Gutter events | COVERED |
| Inversion, single | COVERED |
| Inversion, double an umbrella twice inverted is legally a cup; we also insure cups | COVERED |
| Spoke fatigue & rib grief | COVERED |
| Acts of Pelican † | ADJUDICATED INDIVIDUALLY |
| Abandonment restaurants, trams, romances | COVERED, NO QUESTIONS some looks |
| Lightning | SEE ATTRACTIVE-NUISANCE RIDER |
| Sunshine damage no such claim has ever been received; we remain vigilant | NOT COVERED |
Answer plainly. The instruments account for modesty.
Claims are adjudicated by the Sons personally. There were four Sons. There are now three.
We do not discuss the weather that week.
Paid in full. We have never once brought it up since.
This is the only mention.
Paid in Full · 1931"They paid out on a parasol in '31 and have never once brought it up since, which is class."
"My umbrella carries a named beneficiary. The beneficiary is me. It is the only will in this town in which I come out ahead."
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