A division of the Amalgamated Sundries Corporation · Look for the owl on the label

Hark! — Sufferer! — Hark!

Dr. Lamprey's
Celebrated Nerve Tonic

now with 40% more nerve

Do not ask which nerve

Do You Suffer?

Hesitation at doors, your own included

Apologizing to furniture

The fantods, general and Thursday-specific

Composing strong letters and mailing weak ones

Noticing when the foghorn stops

Rehearsing conversations with the landlord

Insufficient nerve where nerve is called for

Surplus nerve where it is not, which is worse

Diagnostic Instrument No. 3 — administered free, to anyone, at any hour

The Nerve Self-Examination

Have you ever rehearsed saying "no" in a stairwell, and then, at the door, said "of course"?

When a bill arrives, do you let it rest a day, so that it may weaken?

Have you apologized, within the past month, to a piece of furniture, weather, or municipal signage?

Do you possess nerve? (This is the control question. Answer honestly. We will know.)

Is it Thursday?

Finding: you require the tonic

Composition, Sworn Before a Notary

Dr. Lamprey's — Contents

NERVE40% MORE

WATER, BRACINGSUFFICIENT

COURAGE OF UNSPECIFIED ORIGINPRESENT

BITTERNESS, MEDICINALTRACE

SECRETONE (1)

Dose: one spoonful. Two if Thursday. Never three — see the Perpetual Match Company for what we think of thirds.

Attestations, Unsolicited

"I took two spoonfuls and told my landlord what I thought of him. I am writing this from a new address, which I also told him."
— A Man Restored, and Relocated

"Before the tonic, I could not. Now I simply do not. There is a difference, and I can afford it."
— A Lady of the Second Row

"I gave it to my umbrella. Her disposition was recorded as Stoic at the next appraisal. Draw your own conclusions; she has drawn hers."
— A Brackish & Sons Policyholder's Dependent